Archive for jealousy

Far and Away

Posted in Life, Uncategorized with tags , , , on October 10, 2008 by rikki5

My heart hurts each day because I know you are there but there is no way to reach you. Look forward to your call every night only to realize that they are all too short and pale in comparison to your touch and your kiss. We both are trying so this gives me hope. I wonder how long we will have to try at this unnatural arrangement. I wonder how long until we hold each other and talk about our dreams and future but there are too many moments of separation. Each day is playing catch up to what happened the following day without sharing in the moment. I am becoming disillusioned by this arrangement. You tell me tonight your friend (who is a girl) is coming to spend the weekend with you while she’s on business. This hurts me because I want to be the one you are spending time with. You swear she is just a friend. I want to believe you. I try to believe you. I have trouble trusting men because of my past. This hurts me because I want to trust you completely. I remember when you first called me a friend. Now we have become so much more. Each night is another night of yearning and of wanting to feel you beside me again. I don’t know what happened. Everything has happened so fast. I want to believe in us and believe that we can make it despite all odds. When you don’t return my call I become disheartened and there is nothing left but the memory of the time we shared. I cry because I feel like you are slipping away and there is nothing I can do. I wonder if you will come see me someday but you say you can’t right now because of the demands of work. Where do I fit into your life? I once changed everything for you because I believed you were the one for me.  I still do believe that but it is hard to keep up this fight. I believe we are worth this battle.  I don’t want to quit.  I want to be with you so much it hurts down to the depth of my soul. This kind of love is the killing kind.